Female sexuality overall is probably more complex than
male sexuality. There is also much more cultural and
regional variety.
Male sexuality is, I assume, more straightforward. And
it is so with a rather regular pattern around the
world.
While men may choose to surrender to religious,
cultural, or moral restrictions, these restrictions
are more superficial than various concerns that play a
role in the typical female mind.
Basically, cultural, religious, and moral restrictions
do not intercept the pathway of male sexual arousal. A
man may obey cultural, religious, and moral
restrictions and not give in to a sexual stimulus. But
the stimulus exists, and often, it is a rather
straightforward affair.
Almost every heterosexual man can be aroused by the
sexually inviting behavior of a young, beautiful
woman. A man who obeys restrictive cultural,
religious, or moral norms may resist the sexual
invitation. But the arousal has happened, and the man
will likely carry the memory of the arousal around
with him for some time. He may even fantasize about
the sexual invitation when he has intercourse with a
regular partner.
Women, by and large, encounter fewer temptations. From
all I have learned from the women I have been with, I
assume that girls or young women in many Southeast
Asian countries often indeed are not aroused by
sexually inviting behavior of men. Often, they are too
concerned with romantic ideas about lifelong love with
a gentle male partner with whom they have a number of
children.
It's not that they could not imagine sexual
excitement. However, the sexual excitement would have
to be imbedded in a much more complex setting.
Men with little sexual experience often have a hard
time imagining such a female frame of mind. They can
be helped by the following mental exercise.
Imagine yourself at a time when you were a young man
without an appropriate outlet. You certainly were
susceptible to sexual stimulation.
Now imagine that at that stage of your life, you were
approached by a toothless grandmother of 60 plus, who
tried to get you into bed with her.
Go along with the thought exercise. Imagine you as
politely declining, whereas the grandmother becomes
ever more open with her advances, inviting you at a
certain stage to touch her private parts.
You decline? Why? Because the whole thing just isn't
right, and you are not aroused.
Now, to the best of my knowledge, that's about how
women feel most of the time when they are approached
by a man. It's not that they wouldn't be sexually
excitable. It's just that they are not excitable as
randomly as men.
So, just as the imagined grandmother was wrong in
assessing that you were an impotent young man, it is
wrong to jump to the conclusion that a woman is "cold"
because she doesn't react on your sexual stimuli.
I have mentioned time and again that for a man, the
most important decision is to choose the right place
for his sexual adventures. This choice will not only
determine the quality of his sexual opportunities, but
also whether he experiences women as sexually
motivated or as not sexually motivated.
The reason for this is that in some countries you (as
a Western man) have a better status as potential
sexual partner than in others. Or, even more directly:
while in Europe or the US, most women will just
consider you average, or below average, you may seem
extraordinarily attractive as a sexual partner in
other parts of the world. And in those parts of the
world where you do appear extraordinarily attractive
to a large number of women, you, but possibly not the
majority of local men, will experience women as more
sexually oriented than in Europe or the US.
