We have been discussing female orgasms in the last few weeks and last week I asked you to share your sexual experiences if you have been circumcised, or been with a woman who has been circumcised. I received this poignant email:

Dear Valentine,

I do not wish you to be disclose my identity. I find your writing enjoyable to read and informative. Articles are well researched and the language used to share the information palatable.

FGM is brutal, yet it cannot be easily wished away as it is a way of life and cultural pride for some of those who practice it. Coming back to the subject, I have had both uncircumcised and circumcised women as sexual partners including those with either the labia,clitoris or both of them with different extent of mutilation. As you have shared with the readers in past articles,enjoyment of sex is influenced by many factors. Therefore, intensity of sexual arousal and orgasm enjoyed by women is not necessarily determined only by whether a woman is circumcised or not. My experience is that, both circumcised and uncircumcised women have equal chance and they do achieve fully satisfying orgasm under the right environment. I have in turn enjoyed as much. JR

I loved the affirmation of hope from this man. I have heard from several women who think that after FGM, sexual pleasure will elude them forever. Frankly the perpetrators of this custom hope that it will prevent promiscuity in women and by making sex painful and inducing trauma in a woman’s sexual organs, they succeed. But all is not lost and I agree with JR that circumcised women can achieve fully satisfying orgasm; it may however take a little more determination and creativity, than it would for a non-circumcised woman.

Next week I will look at exactly what it takes to achieve orgasm after this kind of trauma. If you have missed any of the conversation on female orgasm and would like to catch up, check out www.the-star.co.ke


Hi Valentine,

Thanks for the sex talk. I decided to buy some sex toys and to experiment (ala Fifty Shades of Grey).The only problem is finding a good store that’s well stocked with a good variety. Any suggestions will be highly appreciated.

Avid fan.

Dear Avid Fan,

I love the can-do, will-do attitude! I do not know that there is an actual physical shop that is dedicated to sex toys and accessories but I have seen some stuff at Diamond Plaza in Parklands. I have not tried it though so cannot vouch for their quality. Online there is www.doctorcrocodildo.com who promise to deliver your stuff to you discretely, and if you are in Nairobi, for free. They charge for upcountry delivery. They however only sell lubricants and vibrators so I don’t know about creating your own ‘Red Room of Pain’.

In case you have not read the book, 50 Shades of Grey is the first in a series of three by E L James in which she explores the ideas of pain and pleasure through a Dominant and Submissive relationship between the two main characters. The red room of pain is a room that the dominant man, Christian Grey has created expressly for sex sessions with his submissives.

Avid Fan, you can get creative with a nyahunyo; use scarves instead of handcuffs. If you do find great toys, please let me know.